Image by caribb via Flickr

This is one of the most hilarious airline jokes floating around these days. Enjoy!

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?
Passenger: Sure.
Attendant: You’re in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!
Passenger: What for?
Attendant: For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It’s the airline’s new policy.
Passenger: That’s the craziest thing I ever heard. I won’t pay it.
Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I’ll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.
Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy.Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.
Passenger:  What?
Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger: This is extortion. I won’t stand for it.
Attendant: Actually, you’re right, you can’t stand. You need to sit, And fasten your seat belt. We’re about to push back from the gate. But,
first I need that $10.
Passenger:  No way!
Attendant:  Sir, if you don’t comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don’t want me to do that.
Passenger:  Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
Attendant:  No, but there’s a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.
Passenger:  Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can’t believe this.
Attendant:  Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Passenger:  Yes. It’s stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn’t seem to work. Can you fix it?
Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the Overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger:  The airline is charging me for cabin air?
Attendant:  Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It’s the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger:  I don’t have any quarters Can you make change for a dollar?
Attendant:  Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger:  But you’ve given me only three quarters for my dollar.
Attendant: Yes, there’s a change making fee of 25 cents.
Passenger:  For cryin’ out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?
Attendant:  Hang onto it. You’ll need it later for the lavatory.

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Two videos. 8 minutes each. Guaranteed goosebumps.

How about starting your Sunday rolling on the floor, laughing hard? Here are two videos right out of the classic comedy archives. George Carlin delivers a hilarious stand-up comedy act, shredding into bits the airline lingo that totally doesn’t make sense (you’ll realize after watching the videos).

The videos contain some profanities, and may not be suitable for watching at work (duh! that’s why you gotta watch it on a Sunday). Time to LOL (laugh out loud, for the unaware :p).

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Link: First spotted on the “Upgrade: Travel Better Blog“

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Originally Published on Tuesday May 27, 2008, by Steve Benson

There have also been hilarious responses to the airlines finding new ways to make money. Here’s what appeared in The Onion:

What new revenue streams are the other airlines implementing?

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